Episode 919 of It’s All Your Fault, “What HR Keeps Missing: High Conflict at Work, Part 2 of 4,” examines how organizations can assess workplace conflict early—before patterns escalate into expensive, entrenched crises. Bill Eddy, LCSW, JD, and Megan Hunter, MBA, co-founders of the High Conflict Institute in Scottsdale, Arizona, are joined by Michael Lomax, JD, HCI speaker and trainer, to explore why HR’s emphasis on neutrality and incident-by-incident handling often protects the wrong person, and what leaders can do differently. It’s All Your Fault is produced by TruStory FM.
When Neutrality Backfires: What HR Keeps Missing About Workplace Conflict
By the time workplace conflict becomes a formal HR issue, a leadership headache, or a team-wide disruption, it’s usually been building for a while. The costly question isn’t how to resolve it once it explodes—it’s what got missed, and why.
It’s All Your Fault is hosted by Bill Eddy, LCSW, JD, and Megan Hunter, MBA, co-founders of the High Conflict Institute in Scottsdale, Arizona. In this episode—Part 2 of a four-part series on high conflict at work—they’re joined by Michael Lomax, JD, an HCI speaker and trainer with 25 years in workplace conflict resolution and 20 years of legal practice.
The episode makes a case that’s easy to miss: the very processes organizations rely on to be fair—neutrality, equal treatment, incident-by-incident investigation—can inadvertently shield the person driving the conflict while penalizing the target. Understanding why that happens, and what to look for instead, is the focus of this conversation.
What You’ll Learn in This Episode
- Why “it’s just a personality clash” is often the wrong diagnosis—and what to look for instead
- How the WEB method (Words, Emotions, Behavior) helps identify high conflict patterns early
- Why the half-hour rule is one of the most reliable early warning signals available
- How organizational neutrality and incident-focused HR process benefit high conflict people
- Why reactive conflict management—responding only after a crisis—rarely produces lasting change
- When a conflict problem is really an organizational readiness problem
Key Takeaways
- Hold three possibilities when someone reports a conflict: the complaint may be accurate, the reporter may be driving it, or both may be contributing—never default to equal fault.
- Your own emotional reaction to someone is data: unexplained self-doubt or feeling unsettled is often a signal about the other person’s behavior, not your competence.
- Pattern recognition beats incident management—high conflict behavior is repetitive by nature, and addressing it one complaint at a time gives it room to grow.
- Proactive conflict readiness means building common language and skills across HR and leadership before a crisis forces the issue.
Before You Listen
Q: How do you tell if a workplace conflict is really one person’s fault or a two-person problem?
A: Bill Eddy recommends holding three possibilities simultaneously: the complaint may be accurate, the person complaining may actually be driving the conflict, or both may be contributing. Many organizations default to treating every dispute as equal—but that approach often protects the high conflict person and costs the organization a good employee.
Q: What are the early warning signs of a high conflict employee HR should watch for?
A: Bill Eddy’s WEB method offers three categories: Words (all-or-nothing language, excessive blame, extreme flattery that can swing to threats), Emotions (your own feelings of being unsettled, self-critical, or out of sync with how someone presents), and Behavior (anything 90% of people would never do, even if accompanied by a quick excuse). Early interactions carry a lot of signal—more than most HR processes are designed to capture.
Q: Why does HR’s focus on fairness and neutrality sometimes make high conflict situations worse?
A: Michael Lomax explains that high conflict people actually benefit from organizations’ emphasis on neutrality and incident-by-incident handling—because it prevents anyone from stepping back to see the pattern. When every complaint is treated as a fresh, isolated event, serial complainers and instigators face no cumulative accountability, and the real picture never gets assembled.
Q: What does it mean for an organization to be “conflict ready”?
A: Being conflict ready means building the skills, policies, and common language across HR, managers, and leadership to recognize high conflict behavior patterns early—before they escalate into lawsuits, PR crises, or mass turnover. The alternative is reactive management: a one-time training after a public failure, a 25-point action plan that rarely gets followed through, and hope that the problem doesn’t recur.
This is the second of four conversations with Michael Lomax on high conflict in the workplace. The series moves from recognition to assessment to action—and this episode is where the diagnostic work begins. If your organization has ever resolved a complaint, sent everyone back to work, and watched the same dynamic resurface six months later, this episode explains exactly why that happens.
Additional Resources
- Conflict Readiness Assessment — sign up for early access to identify gaps in your organization’s conflict response
- Conflict Cost Calculator — estimate your organization’s financial exposure and mitigation costs
- The 5% Talk — book Megan Hunter to bring this presentation to your team
Article
Expert Publications
- BIFF at Work by Megan Hunter and Bill Eddy
- Calming Upset People with EAR by Bill Eddy
- It’s All Your Fault at Work by Bill Eddy and Georgi DiStefano
Consultation & Coaching
Training
- Contact us for custom training for your organization of any type: info@highconflictinstitute.com
- Managing High-Conflict Behavior in the Workplace — with Michael Lomax
- New Ways for Work® Training (for coaches)
Listen Next
If the patterns-vs-incidents framing resonated, Workplace Gaslighting: Two-Person Conflict or One High-Conflict Person?—Episode 303—tackles the same diagnostic question from a different angle, specifically around how gaslighting obscures who is actually driving a conflict.
If the organizational and leadership dimension stood out, Defusing Workplace Drama: Expert Advice for Managing High Conflict Personalities—Episode 408 with Cherolyn Knapp—covers practical strategies for leaders managing these dynamics at the team level.
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Important Notice
Our discussions focus on behavioral patterns rather than diagnoses. For specific legal or therapeutic guidance, please consult qualified professionals in your area.