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Why are some tasks so hard with ADHD?

Why are some tasks harder than others? Is that task itself suddenly that much more challenging that everything else you're doing? Likely not. What's different? The way our brains are triggering as a result of it.

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Why are some tasks harder than others? Is that task itself suddenly that much more challenging that everything else you’re doing? Likely not. What’s different? The way our brains are triggering as a result of it.

This week on the show we’re pulling apart the things that allow us to make some tasks a bigger deal than others. What is it that makes one task evolve into a monstrous clogging task while others breeze by? We pull apart “brain distortions” that impact our thinking and assess our executive functioning challenges that impact our time and process management.

From there, it’s all about attitude — can we really take a step back and approach tasks from the perspective of growth and accomplishment even as we’re struggling to grow and accomplish it? We’ll see this week!


Episode Transcript

Brought to you by The ADHD Podcast Community on Patreon

Pete Wright: Hello everybody. And welcome to Taking Control: The ADHD Podcast on TruStory FM. I’m Pete Wright, and I’m here with Nikki Kinzer.

Nikki Kinzer: Hello everyone. Hello, Pete Wright.

Pete Wright: Oh my goodness Nikki.

Nikki Kinzer: Oh no.

Pete Wright: It’s cold now. The seasons have changed again.

Nikki Kinzer: I know. It’s weird how quickly it changes in Oregon. One day it can be 87 and then the next day it’s 50.

Pete Wright: Yeah, it’s 50. Yeah. Freezing my morning dog walks I’m-

Nikki Kinzer: And raining.

Pete Wright: … Bundling up now. I have to bundle.

Nikki Kinzer: Right.

Pete Wright: So break out the fleeces and I find this is another one of those contact shifts. When I have to start thinking about my temperature again, my own body temperature, it is a distraction.

Nikki Kinzer: Oh, for sure.

Pete Wright: I am distracted by getting my house to the right temperature and do it. That’s just who I am, and so-

Nikki Kinzer: Well, and don’t know about you, but right now it’s hard to get it to the right temperature because it’s either cold or too warm.

Pete Wright: Yeah.

Nikki Kinzer: And there isn’t any happy place. So I don’t know.

Pete Wright: It’s exactly where it is. Do we open a window? I don’t want to open a window.

Nikki Kinzer: I don’t know, yeah.

Pete Wright: There’s a wet breeze constantly.

Nikki Kinzer: Exactly.

Pete Wright: So that’s where we are, and that’s brings us into our conversation today, why are some tasks so hard to do? Before we dig in head over to takecontroladhd.com. You can get to know us a little bit better. You can listen to the show there on the website or subscribe to the mailing list right there on the homepage, and we will send you an email each time a new episode is released. Connect with us on Twitter or Facebook at takecontroladhd. And if this show has ever touched you or helped you make a change in your life for the better, if you’ve ever found that you understand your relationship with ADHD in a new way, please consider hopping over to patreon.com/theadhdpodcast for a few bucks a month. You can support us there, and that helps us grow the show and continue to do new things. And in that regard, we are on the cusp of doing a new thing, but we actually literally need your help to do it because producing a podcast isn’t free. There comes a cost in terms of just mechanical costs, production costs, time costs. And we want to launch a new podcast. And that podcast is going to be Podcast Pete’s, Podcast on PADHD. It’s all P words.

Nikki Kinzer: PADHD.

Pete Wright: Yeah. We did the math and we tried to figure out what is it that we need to do this? And we came down to a number of members as our goal. And if you go to patriot.com/theadhdpodcast, you can see our goal is 250. When we hit 250 we will have what we need to be able to support doing two podcasts. And so if that has ever… It’s just the math that we’re trying to figure out. We need to have 250 supporting members to be able to release this new podcast. And so it’s not like we’re teasing, it’s not like we’re holding out on it, it’s just that as soon as we hit that, we’ll have the resources that we’ve calculated. We need to be able to do this new thing. And that’s how all of our goals work. So if you’ve been on the fence, if nine of you have been on the fence as of today, this number fluctuates a little bit, but it is right now as we’re recording this, it’s nine members. Nine people who need to make the leap and decide that they are ready to join our community. Join our Discord server, get access to the super secret channels on Discord and our fantastic community. Get just to the livestream so you can hear Pete talk about all the laundry that he does when he cleans up his daughter’s room while he is crying because he’s weeping that she went to college.

Nikki Kinzer: He’s so sad.

Pete Wright: He’s so sad. You can hear all that stuff in the livestream that you don’t get on the main show. And we just invite you to do that. Help us out. Help us cross, handily cross that 250 and launch Pete’s new podcast, Podcasting on ADHD with Pete. That is the whole title.

Nikki Kinzer: I kind of like that.

Pete Wright: Okay. Yeah. All right.

Nikki Kinzer: Yeah. I’m digging that.

Pete Wright: It’s long. It’s going to be an acronym. Don’t worry about it.

Nikki Kinzer: So couple of things before we get into this, are you all done with your thing?

Pete Wright: No. Am I ever?

Nikki Kinzer: Okay.

Pete Wright: I’m exhausted.

Nikki Kinzer: I’m sure you probably need some-

Pete Wright: I need a break.

Nikki Kinzer: You need a break, yeah, from talking. But a couple things I want to let people know. We are going into October, which means it is ADHD Awareness Month. And Pete, in my world, it’s every month is ADHD Awareness Month.

Pete Wright: And how?

Nikki Kinzer: Every week is ADHD week. And every Tuesday, when this goes live is ADHD Tuesday, right? But I do love the idea of bringing awareness to ADHD. And one of the ways that I want to help promote that is I am offering 25% off of my online courses. So there’s three different ones to choose from. One is organizing time, one is organizing space, and then the other one is about organizing paper. So we’ll put the links in the show. And if you are interested in checking out one or more of those online courses, they will be 25% off through October 31st, 2021. So if you’re listening to this in 2024, which you might be, maybe they’ll be on sale then too because it’s October.

Pete Wright: It’ll be another break. Yeah, right. Right.

Nikki Kinzer: But just want to be clear with the dates. And then two more things that are happening in November that I will probably continue to talk about in the next few shows, one is GPS is going to be starting up again I believe the first Monday of November, which I believe is November 1st. So that will be our next round of workshops. So if you’re interested in doing some guided planning with me and other people who struggle with planning, please check that out because that is coming up the next session. And then the last thing I want to talk about really quick is Study Hall. We are still going to be holding Study Hall on Thursday afternoons the same time as it always has been. If you are a Supreme Discord member, you get Study Hall for free. So that’s something to think about. Not only Pete’s Podcast, PADHD, but you also get Nikki’s Study Hall, right? So that’s cool.

Pete Wright: We need to replant your Study Hall. We need an epic name. I’m going to workshop it. That’s all right. Intern, make a note.

Nikki Kinzer: Yeah, you workshop that. But my point here is that we’re going to be changing the way that we do the Study Halls and it’s going to be a monthly service. So if you’re interested in joining me on one Thursday or all Thursdays, it will be a monthly fee and you’ll get that link. And then you can also, still do pay as you go as well. So just want to throw that out there that those are a couple things that are happening in November. I think we’re done. We’re done with announcements.

Pete Wright: Nikki’s epic Study Hall. Oh yeah.

Nikki Kinzer: That sounds good.

Pete Wright: That’s good. It’s going to be great. It’s going to be great.

Nikki Kinzer: Yeah.

Pete Wright: All right.

Nikki Kinzer: Yeah.

Pete Wright: Let’s talk about tasks.

Nikki Kinzer: So this is the thing, a while ago…

Pete Wright: Oh, is this where you introduced how you completely pulled the rug out from under me and changed the topic at the very last minute for this week?

Nikki Kinzer: Yes.

Pete Wright: Is this that part where you own up to that?

Nikki Kinzer: Yes. Yes. I’m going to own up to that.

Pete Wright: Okay. Awesome.

Nikki Kinzer: Because originally this topic was going to be, how do I talk about my ADHD? But then I started to about the outline and where did I want to go with that? And I had some ideas, and that still might be something to talk about later. But this is what was screaming at me. In the last couple of weeks, I have had at least five different people, five different situations that I’ve worked with as clients where part of our call was actually dedicated to doing a task during our session. And it was a task that they were avoiding, maybe had a little bit of shame around it, or they were embarrassed and it was a toleration, right? Pete, we remember toleration.

Pete Wright: Yeah.

Nikki Kinzer: [crosstalk 00:08:17]. It was nagging at them.

Pete Wright: Oh yeah.

Nikki Kinzer: Yeah. And so when I started thinking about what to talk about and what to kind of how to start October ADHD awareness month, you got to listen to the universe and when something comes to you in five different ways in the last 10 days, you got to pay attention to that. And that’s where we come to why is it that some tasks are so hard to do? And I just want to share with you some of the things that I did with my clients during their calls, one was my client sent a text to a friend about not going on a future trip, not an easy thing to do. Another client sent an email to a coworker letting them know that they weren’t going to get something that they were expecting, not an easy thing to do.

Pete Wright: No.

Nikki Kinzer: Worked with a client on getting contract signed and buying postage online. We actually went in and bought the postage online while I was there with him, and mailed. Got the envelope all ready to go, and he mailed it right after our call and then sent me a text and said, "It’s done." And we’re like, "Yay."

Pete Wright: That’s awesome.

Nikki Kinzer: Victory celebration. And then I also had a client who physically… We were planning the rest of his week. And so we were looking at the to-do list, talking about the to-do list, talking about his calendar. And basically we sat for at least a half hour really just planning the next three days. And then I had another client who after we did the session, she took the last part of our session, about 20 minutes, to just clean her house. She just wanted to clear the clutter and-

Pete Wright: When nothing else could jump in and distract.

Nikki Kinzer: No. And I was just on her computer and I was on. It was kind of like a little Study Hall, just the two of us, and I was working and she was working, and then she would tell me what she did and all that, but it was great. And she got to clean up her house. And then there was another, the last client, she had to write a refund check to a client. And that was really past due. So there was a lot of embarrassment and kind of like, "Oh, it’s already so, late."

Pete Wright: Yeah.

Nikki Kinzer: But she wrote the check in front of me and put it in the envelope, got the stamp ready, and she sent it after our call. So, I mean-

Pete Wright: Just knocking.

Nikki Kinzer: … These were great things.

Pete Wright: Yeah. Knocking those clogging tasks right out of the park.

Nikki Kinzer: Yes. And over my experience with coaching, I could share with you so many more examples of when this happens because sometimes coaching isn’t just talking, but it’s also the doing part. And some of these things are perfect for that because it only takes a few minutes. But I also want to share with you a couple things I noticed. Out of these examples that I’m sharing with you, only two clients accepted my help without being embarrassed. And I’ll tell you, I think that is because we’ve done it enough in the past that they kind of got over that like, "Okay, she’s not going to care. I just need to get through this."

Pete Wright: Yeah.

Nikki Kinzer: So they didn’t really question the process, but the other four made at least one, if not more comments, that was not a very positive self talking conversation. So if you think about last week, we talked about positive self talk and getting away from negative. And unfortunately in this situation, not positive. I had two people tell me that they felt like a child. They felt like they were five years old again and having to have their handheld. I had one person tell me that she just couldn’t believe that it took her this long to do something that was so easy and done within just a couple of minutes, a few minutes.

Pete Wright: Yeah. Yeah.

Nikki Kinzer: And one of the things that I wanted to do with all of these folks and to the people listening who I just know you’re shaking your hair head like, "Yes, I get this. The stuff is really difficult." I wanted to reassure each client that there is nothing wrong with them, and that this is the ADHD. It’s how the ADHD is affecting them. That these things are really hard and that they have nothing to be ashamed of, nothing to be embarrassed about. And I really wanted them to focus on what they were doing. What was the task or what was the action step that they were doing to get forward on this? So we were really trying to focus more on just the future and not what was going on in the past. And each one of these things that got accomplished, we celebrated. I mean, I was clapping and man, if I could have thrown confetti at them, I would have because we wanted to. We wanted to really… I wanted to highlight what a big deal it was. And I wanted them to feel really good about what they did. And I had a couple of people who told me later how great it was to have such a burden taken off of them. And they were really grateful for my help. A couple people said, "Thank you for pushing me to just do it. I don’t think I would have done this today without your help. Thanks so much, Nikki, with your help today ended much better than it started."

Pete Wright: Yeah.

Nikki Kinzer: And that’s where it comes to this question of our day, right? Why are some tasks so hard to do?

Pete Wright: Have you thought about just going to their house and throwing confetti at them? I mean, I think at first it might be creepy, but it could be on brand.

Nikki Kinzer: Well, one’s in the UK. So I think that would be hard.

Pete Wright: Okay. I’m sure we could… There’s got to be an Uber eats for confetti throwers, right?

Nikki Kinzer: Right.

Pete Wright: We should start that.

Nikki Kinzer: There should be.

Pete Wright: Yes. Yes. It’s a gig economy celebrate.

Nikki Kinzer: I love that.

Pete Wright: That’s what we need. All right. I’ve been thinking a lot about this as I was reflecting on our topic for the day, and I to do a quick review of these things. We’ve talked about these kind of individually before, but these thought distortions. I just want to remind people why their brains might be making it harder to do things in spite of your best interests of getting them done. And it’s because we are wired this way, right? We have to overcome our own lizard brain. And so we’ll call these the thought distortions. And I just love this kind of list that some of these things will sound familiar. The first is all or nothing thinking, absolutely. It’s a fan favorite, all or nothing thinking. It’s sometimes it’s binary thinking, either this or that. I’m either good or bad. It’s either all or nothing. That’s number one. Mind reading. Oh, we do this all the time, right? Where we assume what others will think of us, right? "People will think I’m dumb, slow, a terrible person if I can’t finish this task, whatever the task is," right? People will think. Like you know what people are thinking. You don’t know what they’re thinking. You don’t know what they’re thinking.

Nikki Kinzer: Yeah. You really don’t.

Pete Wright: Unhelpful rules, this is an interesting one to me, where you assign yourself strict rules that don’t help you achieve your goals, right? "I must complete this task using a blue pen. If I don’t have a blue pen, this task is not worth completing," right?

Nikki Kinzer: Yeah.

Pete Wright: The blue pen could be anything, right? Assigning yourself a rule that determines how you do a thing that doesn’t help you actually get the thing done is a form of a thought distortion that you can shake off. You can shake those off. Labeling. This is another kind of variant of all or nothing thinking, right? It’s this idea that we’re reducing a complex idea to a simple single characteristic. "ADHD makes me distracted." Well, maybe that’s a part of it, but it does other things too, right? There are other components to it that make ADHD a complicated spectrum disorder.

Nikki Kinzer: Yes, absolutely.

Pete Wright: So let’s try to catch ourselves when we are reducing, when we’re acting in that sort of reductive nature because it’s not good for us, and it makes complicated things too easy to shut down, right? "Because of this one thing, the way I’ve labeled it. I’ve created a straw man that’s really easy for me to buckle under the pressure." Fortune telling is another form of mind reading, right?

Nikki Kinzer: Yeah.

Pete Wright: Predicting the future. "If I blow this project, I’ll never be asked to do another project again. If I don’t get my taxes in on time, I’ll be arrested and I’ll go where I’ll never see my family again." Whatever it is, you don’t know the future, you don’t know the few future.

Nikki Kinzer: Dang.

Pete Wright: So let’s stop predicting the worst.

Nikki Kinzer: I want to be a fortune teller. The reason I say that is because it’s not the ADHD. For me, obviously, it’s the anxiety.

Pete Wright: Sure. These things go hand in hand.

Nikki Kinzer: Of just wanting to have some idea of what’s going to happen. So yeah, I really relate to that.

Pete Wright: Well, and the last one-

Nikki Kinzer: And the exaggerated thinking.

Pete Wright: Yeah. Exaggerated thinking, right?

Nikki Kinzer: For sure.

Pete Wright: When we are making something bigger than it actually is like, "Oh, I got to work late this morning. I guess the rest of my day is blown."

Nikki Kinzer: Right.

Pete Wright: That’s not true.

Nikki Kinzer: Oh, yeah.

Pete Wright: Dry off, take off the raincoat, get a cup of coffee, take a few deep breaths and just see how the day plays out. It’s not over just because this one thing went wrong. That’s exaggerated thinking. So all or nothing thinking, mind reading, unhelpful rules that you assign yourself, labeling, fortune telling, and exaggerated thinking. Those are, I think, foundational to this understanding of the stories we tell ourselves and the tricks our brains play on us.

Nikki Kinzer: Absolutely.

Pete Wright: They get into why tasks are so hard for us sometimes.

Nikki Kinzer: Are so hard. That’s right.

Pete Wright: Yeah.

Nikki Kinzer: That’s right. So one of the other things I want us to highlight and add to what you’re talking about with thought distortions is executive functions.

Pete Wright: Yeah.

Nikki Kinzer: How do executive functions play into getting a task done? And this is something that I looked up, and this is from Dr. Russell Barkley, and this is sort of his definition of what executive functions, what that is, what it means. And let me just read this to you because I cannot memorize something like this. "Executive function is the cognitive process that organizes thoughts and activities." Okay. "Prioritizes tasks, manages time efficiently and makes decisions. Executive function skills are the skills that help us establish structures and strategies for managing projects and determine the actions required to move each project forward. Individuals with executive dysfunction often struggle to analyze, plan, organize schedule and complete tasks at all or on a deadline. They misplace materials, prioritize the wrong things and get overwhelmed by big projects." Well-

Pete Wright: Okay.

Nikki Kinzer: … That sounds like ADHD.

Pete Wright: Yeah. Sounds like he’s watching me.

Nikki Kinzer: Yeah. And it also, I hope, gives people an understanding that not only are your thoughts getting in your way of how you’re seeing this, but real true executive functions are challenged when you have ADHD, which also makes these things so hard.

Pete Wright: Yeah. I think to that point, this is a… it can turn into a self-defeating loop, right? Your executive functions directly relate to these thought distortions, right?

Nikki Kinzer: Right, right.

Pete Wright: It’s when you are struggling with executive function that the thought distortions rear their heads. They’re like, "Oh, look at me. Now I’m going to start telling you stories because clearly you’re struggling with planning and prioritizing. So it’s time for me to start labeling and fortune telling and exaggerating." So they really can become that sort of deflationary spiral that leads to real sadness and frustration with ADHD if you can’t recognize them upfront.

Nikki Kinzer: Right, right.

Pete Wright: Yeah. So I was listening to this interview. There’s a great conversation on the Focused Podcast with Jesse J. Anderson, who’s a coder and a writer about ADHD and all things ADHD, and really smart, coming at it from a professional perspective. And he reminded me of this quote that I haven’t heard in years, but it’s all about eating the frog, right? The eat the frog Mark Twain quote. Eat a live frog-

Nikki Kinzer: And Brian Tracy has a book about it.

Pete Wright: Yeah. He sure does. Eat a live frog first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you for the rest of the day. Well, that doesn’t work for ADHD.

Nikki Kinzer: Nope.

Pete Wright: Right? You can’t. If you start eating the frog, you won’t do stuff, you won’t get anything done because your brain isn’t warmed up, right? There are all kinds of reasons.

Nikki Kinzer: Well, that, and you won’t eat the frog.

Pete Wright: You won’t eat the-

Nikki Kinzer: It may be on your to-do list, but you’re not doing it.

Pete Wright: You’re doing it. So this is why I wanted to bring this up here as a kind of pivot because I think that mentality, if that’s what you’ve been told all your life about productivity, about work, about… If that’s the Brian Tracy mantra at your office, it’s time to challenge that because putting a live frog on your task list first thing in the morning is manufacturing, clogging tasks that you’re not going to do.

Nikki Kinzer: Right, right. Absolutely. Well, and one of the things that I’ll tell people, it’s the difference between being Tigger and Eeyore. Going into a task if you… Right?

Pete Wright: Yeah.

Nikki Kinzer: If you go and try to eat that frog and you haven’t done anything to warm up your or be excited or energized, is what I meant to say, you’re going to go in like Eeyore.

Pete Wright: Yeah. "I stepped in poo."

Nikki Kinzer: Yeah. "I don’t want to do this," right? But if you want to go in as Tigger, play your favorite song, do something. Play with your dog, get a little bit of exercise, get your energy up, get that dopamine flowing so that you do feel like you can take something on, and then you’re Tigger.

Pete Wright: Yeah.

Nikki Kinzer: Because then you’re like, "I can do anything for five minutes. I can do anything for… I can get started on this for the next half hour. I can write that email."

Pete Wright: Yeah.

Nikki Kinzer: And so it’s-

Pete Wright: "I’m fun, fun, fun, fun, fun."

Nikki Kinzer: "I am fun."

Pete Wright: Yeah.

Nikki Kinzer: Yeah. So I totally, when I first read this, Pete, I thought you were going to say to eat the frog first. And I was like, "Oh no, we’re going to get in a fight."

Pete Wright: No, no fights. It actually, I find it so infuriating, that thinking.

Nikki Kinzer: Yeah. I do too.

Pete Wright: I find it absolutely infuriating and kind of disrespectful, right?

Nikki Kinzer: Yeah, yeah.

Pete Wright: And I think that’s, I don’t know, maybe it’s just I’m getting older. And I really bought it when I was 25, but I didn’t know a lot about myself when I was 25.

Nikki Kinzer: Exactly, exactly. Well, and one other thing that I think is really important to point out about these tasks, and I sort of started to mention it when I was talking about how they were talking to me about them. And that is the emotional self-regulation piece of ADHD. So looking for a formal definition, this is the ability to take these executive functions and use them to manipulate your own emotional state. So this means learning to use words, images, and your own self-awareness to process and alter how we feel about things. So what does that mean or have to do with getting tasks done? Well, in all of the examples I used above and with other clients, some emotion is tied up to not doing the task. And if we don’t actually identify it and see what it is, it’s going to be even harder for you to get it done because you’re really avoiding it. You’re really kind of in denial of it, right? You’re not facing it. And for a lot of these situations or examples that I talked about earlier, they were afraid of letting people down. The result of the conversation that needed to be said for the text message and the email, there wasn’t a choice. We knew they were going to be probably let down. So we talked about that. It doesn’t matter if you do it today or if you do it next week, you may let someone down. And so what does that mean? But if we don’t do it now, it’s going to feel worse and worse and worse. And so we talked it through, and she was able to do that. Embarrassment because of being late with the communication, like if you haven’t been communicating or talking to people or updating them, that can really take a toll on you, right? That embarrassment just does not help with the taking action. Overwhelmed with the amount of steps. Some of these things that I talk to clients about, there’s a lot more steps to it than you really think there is. And then once you start breaking that down, you realize, "Oh my, of course, this is hard because there’s five or six different components to it. And it can’t all be done in 10 minutes." So I do think it’s important to see how you’re feeling about this. And again, understanding that this is part of the ADHD, and the thoughts distortion that you’re talking about, the emotional self-regulation, it’s not about you being lazy or not caring. And I think that’s something I really want people to walk away from is, this is about ADHD awareness and I hope that they’re more aware of why these tasks are so hard. But I do want to talk about one strategy and it’s the only strategy that I’m going to talk about today. Are you ready, Pete?

Pete Wright: I’m ready. Yeah.

Nikki Kinzer: It is to ask for help.

Pete Wright: Sure.

Nikki Kinzer: So many people will not ask for help because of all of these emotions that they feel. And it’s really too bad because I know how good it felt for these folks to get done what they got done. And I don’t want anyone to miss out on that.

Pete Wright: Yeah.

Nikki Kinzer: It was… I can’t talk. It was fantastic.

Pete Wright: Yeah.

Nikki Kinzer: So how do you ask for help? Ask someone that you trust, someone that you do not feel like you are being judged because that’s going to be really important. Body double with someone. If you have not done body doubling either through my Study Hall, somebody else’s Study Hall or just with a friend or coworker, try it. Really try it. Tell them that, "This is what I’m working on today, and cheer me on at the end. Let’s celebrate. And I want to be the same for you too." So you’re not only asking for someone to help you, you’re offering your own help and say, "Hey, I want to be a coach to you too. I want to cheer you on." And that’s really, I think, important. And ask for help, and I know this sounds a lot easier than it is, but ask for help without shame, or embarrassment, and don’t apologize for asking for the help. I think that’s the biggest thing. I don’t want you to say, "I’m so sorry, Pete. I need you to body double with me today. Is that going to be okay?" No, no. I mean, you don’t need to apologize.

Pete Wright: Well, for so many reasons. First you’re already asking a welcome community, right?

Nikki Kinzer: Right.

Pete Wright: You’re asking a of people who also know the value of body doubling and have no problem doing that. But the other thing I would add there is it takes a while to figure out how to feel good about these things and make it stick. I wouldn’t be surprised at all after hearing your stories of the people you’re working with, if you ask them today about another clogging task that might have shown up, if they don’t feel exactly the same sort of fear, uncertainty, doubt about this new task that they did about that old one, because it takes practice to feel good. And so asking for help, asking for that kind of support, it’s okay no matter where you are in the process, and that there is no shame.

Nikki Kinzer: Absolutely.

Pete Wright: It takes time.

Nikki Kinzer: Well, and something you mentioned that I think is really important is do find an ADHD community because that is going to help you. It’s going to make a huge difference to be with your tribe, to be with people who already understand you. You don’t have to explain it. You don’t have to apologize you trust, and you know you’re not going to get any judgment. And so if you’re not really sure if you can ask somebody at work, or… I’ve never really thought that spouses and partners are really great, they’re good body doubles, but they’re not great accountability partners.

Pete Wright: That’s what my wife says to me. "Would you just sit there and look pretty?" That’s all she says to me. And I’m like, "Yeah, okay. It’s a natural resting space for me. It’s fine."

Nikki Kinzer: Yeah.

Pete Wright: Shut up and look pretty Pete.

Nikki Kinzer: That’s right.

Pete Wright: That’s the name of the podcast.

Nikki Kinzer: Sit up and look pretty?

Pete Wright: Shut up and look pretty Pete.

Nikki Kinzer: Shut up and look pretty Pete. Oh gosh.

Pete Wright: Another one on the list.

Nikki Kinzer: There you go. Another one for us to look at. In any case, whether you’re listening to Shut up and be pretty Pete Podcast, or you’re listening to us think joining our Patreon community. We have a great community, and there are other resources too. If you want to look at ADA, you want to look at CHADD, there’s all these other podcasts that have communities, other websites. I mean, find. They’re there, they’re there. So we just have to find something that works with you and that you connect with. And I think you’d be surprised that it’s not going to be as hard to get tasks done when you are in a community like that, that you can help and or that you can help and you can ask for help without shame.

Pete Wright: Thank you everybody for hanging out with us. Thanks for doing your part to help up others and help yourself along the way. We really appreciate it. Thank you for downloading and listening to this show. Thank you for your time and your attention. Don’t forget, if you have something to contribute to this conversation, we’re heading over to the show talk channel and our Discord server, and you can join us right there by becoming a supporting member at the deluxe level on behalf of Nikki Kinzer and Pete Wright. And we’ll see you right back here next week on Taking Control: The ADHD Podcast, or maybe Shut up and look pretty with Pete Wright. I can’t wait. Thanks everybody.

Through Taking Control: The ADHD Podcast, Nikki Kinzer and Pete Wright strive to help listeners with support, life management strategies, and time and technology tips, dedicated to anyone looking to take control of their lives in the face ADHD.