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How to Split a Toaster episode 516

Finding Post-Divorce Peace with Keith Wilson

Finding Peace After Your Divorce

Today on the Toaster, Seth and Pete are joined by Keith Wilson, a licensed mental health counselor and author of “The Road To Reconciliation: A Comprehensive Guide to Peace when Relationships Go Bad,” and “How to Make an Apology You’ll Never Have to Make Again.” How do you forgive after your divorce? What if the other party doesn’t want to forgive? Or is forgiveness even what you should be looking for?

Keith talks to us about finding peace – not forgiveness – and how you can reconcile when things go bad. It’s not an easy process, but it is doable. Part of the challenge is learning to relate to the representative of your former spouse that you have in your head. Part of it is realizing that the relationship with your former spouse needs to be renegotiated – particularly if you have kids.

At the start, it may help to list your grievances you have with your ex or soon-to-be-ex. After that, though, try writing up a list of what you think are your problems – the thing your ex perhaps has as grievances toward you. It may seem hard to do, but it can help you toward finding that peace.

But sometimes you don’t want to forgive. Sometimes your ex doesn’t want to forgive. How do you move through the anger toward peace? it’s important to move on, and sometimes you need help to do so. You might just need to have a friend or family member drag you into emotional health.

Whatever it takes. That’s what’s key in today’s episode. To be in a healthy space, you have to figure out how you need to move through the anger toward reconciliation and peace.

About Keith

Keith Wilson is a licensed mental health counselor and former certified substance abuse counselor in private practice in Rochester, NY. He’s had more than thirty years’ experience with as diverse populations as: troubled youth, troubled marriages; domestic violence victims and perpetrators; addicts and alcoholics; sexual abuse offenders, survivors, and non-offending spouses; the seriously mentally ill and the worried well; and the people who love all of the above.

He is the author of three self-help books:

  • Constructive Conflict: Building Something Good Out of All Those Arguments
  • The Road to Reconciliation: A Comprehensive Guide to Peace When Relationships Go Bad
  • How to Make an Apology You’ll Never Have to Make Again

He has also published three novels:

  • “Who Killed the Lisping Barista of the Epiphany Café?”
  • “Fate’s Janitors: Mopping Up Madness at a Mental Health Clinic,” a satire of the mental health field
  • “Intersections,” which takes readers on a road trip with a suicidal therapist

Early parts of what may be his next books, Searching for an Inner Adult, A Field Guide to Feelings, and The Reflective Eclectic can be found on his blog at

Seth Nelson is a Tampa based family lawyer known for devising creative solutions to difficult problems. In How to Split a Toaster, Nelson and co-host Pete Wright take on the challenge of divorce with a central objective — saving your most important relationships with your family, your former spouse, and yourself.
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