This week, Nick Fury — director of SHIELD, the world’s most powerful intelligence organization — attempts to covertly warn Captain America of a massive conspiracy by turning off the lights, displaying a phone with the words “EARS EVERYWHERE” in approximately 96-point font, and then speaking out loud, twice, using his own name, six feet from the agents who are actively monitoring him. It is, to put it charitably, a choice.

Nick Fury attempts to go off the grid in Washington, DC, which is like trying to disappear at your own birthday party. Meanwhile, someone very dangerous is standing in the middle of the street, and he is in absolutely no hurry.